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  • Writer's pictureMartha Lewis

Is it ok to sleep separately from your partner?

Updated: Mar 23

Does your partner disturb your sleep?

This is so common! Many of my clients have a partner who snores or moves around and wakes them up. Others worry that their tossing and turning will disturb their partner.

And yet, they think that it’s wrong to think about sleeping in different beds. They worry that it will affect their relationship or mean something bad about their relationship.

The term for choosing to sleep separately is called a “sleep divorce” and it’s a controversial topic.

What if where you and your partner sleep doesn’t mean anything about your relationship?

Here’s what I think.

You aren’t strengthening your bond by sleeping in the same bed. You aren’t spending quality time together when you’re asleep. Ideally, you aren’t even aware of each other’s presence. If you are, it’s because one of you is waking the other one up.

Not getting enough sleep can negatively affect your relationship more than sleeping apart. You know when you’re sleep deprived that you’re more irritable, grumpy and impatient. You don’t have the energy or desire for sex.

The quality of your relationship is determined by what you do when you’re awake, not when you’re asleep.

You can still be intimate with each other even if you sleep in separate beds. If you get better sleep because you sleep separately, you’re more likely to want sex than if you’re sleeping less. Your sex life could improve by choosing to sleep apart.

You can still cuddle before bed.

You can still touch each other during the day.

You can sleep apart and still have a great relationship.

If you or your partner don’t sleep well together, it’s ok to sleep apart. Your relationship may even improve because of it!

If your lack of sleep is affecting your relationships, I can help you fix it! The first step is to book a consultation with me to talk about how you’re sleeping, how your lack of sleep is affecting your life, what you want your sleep to be like in 6 months and I’ll tell you the path to get there.

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